Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
