dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
