I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Panties = found
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