Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
