Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
