I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
