So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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