4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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