final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize