There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
