woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
