my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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