and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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