we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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