I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
