I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Let's paint friendship bongs
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
