He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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