did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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