He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
