White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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