i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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