whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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