well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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