fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
