She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
