make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
