last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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