You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
