is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
