I threw up into my coffee this morning.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
