We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
