I must be too annoying 4 u.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
