hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
