i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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