I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
