Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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