I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
