...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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