How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize