We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
