Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
