is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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