bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
