I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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