JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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