just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
