Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I am one with the molecules
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
