If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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