I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
