no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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