your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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