So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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