no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
