Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
