I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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