I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
