i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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