why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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