"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
