I want to walk on stilts...naked
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
