i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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