Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
