Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You took a bar mat shot.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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