you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I looked at my own cervix.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
