You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Randomize
