It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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