Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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